What the hell is this page and how the hell did I end up here!?!?
This page is the FAQ section of the Winged Monkey Press, maintained by a group of escaped baboons who want you dead. You have arrived here because these savage apes plan to trace your home address whilst you are logged on, then send around a group of chimpanzees. Our advice to you is to cut your connection as soon as possible and find somewhere safe to hide.

How did the Winged Monkey Press begin?
The Winged Monkey Press has a long and colourful history, some of which may even be true, and which can read in full here.

What doesn't the Press offer?
The Press does not offer a trouser pressing service. How many times do we have to say this!? Any trousers emailed to us will be returned to the sender with a savage baboon attached.

How can I support the Press?
This site was conceived and designed with the pathos (ethos, surely?) of 'People need to waste time and bandwidth when they could be doing something more productive' in mind. As such, we appreciate comments and suggestions on how the site can be expanded. Quite simply, did you find this site particularly helpful, and, if not, why not? Comments and suggestions can be sent to the Press from here.

Do you have the slightest idea what people think of you?
We have been mentioned in a number of national newspapers, as well as on other sites. We have also received what we consider to be very descriptive feedback from individuals. Some of their comments can be read here.

It's your fault we're living in a blame culture. How do I complain?
If you have a problem with anything on this site please submit your comments using the link above. Naturally we'd rather you didn't complain to the Press, as we're really very sorry for whatever it is we've done, and our monkeys really are having a tough time of it lately, especially poor Jo-Jo who doesn't get a lot of respect and has a very unhappy personal life.