We've all had them; emails from some pseudo-legal representative in West Africa, willing to share millions with you for a small handling fee. Normally such emails are junked, but I was bored recently and decided to toy with one for a while.

What follows is a complete and unedited history of our conversations, together with the relevant images and attachments.

Throughout, the scammer's emails are listed in red, my responses to him are in green, my comments about the scam-bait are in bold and each set of email then response is divided by a spacer bar to make it easier to keep track of where you are.

From: Emmanuel Rapheal
Subject: YOUR URGENTLY RESPONDING NEEDED BECAUSE THE FUND BELONG TO YOU.

Dear Timothy Leary,
I received your mail and understand that you are instructed by my boss to contact me regarding the draft he wrote on your name before his travel to south america. well this money is in bank draft i will mail it to you and you cash it from your bank.
Therefore all i required from you is the cost of mailing the draft to you via diplomatic courier services and send your address where to deliver the draft in person .contact me email to discus on how to receive the mailing cost to enable me send the draft to you as soon as possible.

waiting to hear from you.

thanks,

Secretary Emmanuel Rapheal

From: Rev. Timothy Leary
Subject: Bless you

My Dear Emmanuel,

God bless you and thank you for your email, but as I said before I think you have the wrong person. I am not owed any money.

Again, we carry out good works across the world, and are looking for a charity or company in Africa who we can donate money to to ensure the word of the Church is spread. If you know of such a charity or company, please let us know the details so we can speak with them.

I wish you the very best of luck in finding whoever this money belongs to.


Kindest regards,


Rev. Timothy Leary

From: Emmanuel Rapheal
Subject: Re: Bless you

Dear Rev. Timothy Leary,
Thanks for your email, I have invesgate the bank draft and it is payable under your name. Maybe you have forgot my boss because it have been a very long time he trying to transfer the fund but they just got it transfer last week.

This fund belong to you and he normal instruct me to mail it once you contact me so try and invesgate on your side if you can remember it.

Waiting for your immediately respond.

thanks
Emmanuel

From: Rev. Timothy Leary
Subject: Re: Re: Bless you

Dear Emmanuel,

I have looked into my files here at the Church and think I may have found the answer. Our founder and benefactor, Colonel Sanders, used to employ a great many people in South America in his large factories there, and it seems as though he might have been involved in the business dealings you mention.

Can you please check your files and confirm if the name Colonel Sanders is registered for this money? If it is, then the money certainly does belong to the Church of the Psychedelic Manatee, and we will be happy to enter into negotiations with you to secure the transfer of funds. Obviously we cannot consider this unless it can be confirmed by you that the Colonel is on your records, otherwise we might be claiming money that is not ours.
I know the Colonel used to be photographed on his business deals, so we include a picture of our beloved founder for identification purposes if you happen to have his photo on record.


Our Founder, Colonel Sanders

Please confirm that Colonel Sanders is on your records as the person who is owed this money. If he is, then please tell us how we can begin the transfer of the funds to the Church, as we are keen to give more donations to worthwhile and humanitarian causes throughout the world, and this money will really help us achieve our goal.


Kindest Regards,


Rev. Timothy Leary

From: Emmanuel Rapheal
Subject: MONEY IS YOURS RESPONND PLEASE

Dear Rev. Timothy Leary,
I receive your email, I have check our file again and the name on the bank draft is your name, I find the Founder Colonel Sanders instruct our Boss to use your name as your a trust someone. Infact i thanks you for your understanding as you know that money is not everything, i much thanks you once more because of way your question me about this fund because if i make any mistake on delivering of this fund i will hold responsible so the fund belong to your people.

Because of the amount on this bank draft i will like bank to transfer this fund to your people to aviod losting of the fund, If this idea is ok with you than your reqire to email me the banking information where the fund will transfer to.
Even i find this pic you sent to me in our office when i was invesgate but the name in this bank draft is your full name TIMOTHY LEARY.


Please i will need your urgently respond because you know the value of this bank draft as i will not bear to pay if i lost the fund.

Thanks

Secretary
Emmanuel Rephael

From: Rev. Timothy Leary
Subject: Re: MONEY IS YOURS RESPONND PLEASE

Dear Emmanuel,

I thank God that you are so honest in your dealings, and that you have been kind enough to look into your files. I believe that Colonel Sanders was probably the person who first arranged this deal, and am very happy to hear it is in my name. This is most wonderful news as it means the Church can get much-needed funds to support our work throughout the world.

Unfortunately, there is a problem which makes my heart very sad. As you know, the Church of the Psychedelic Manatee is a registered charity based in the United Kingdom. UK rules are very strict on charities receiving money. In the UK it is illegal for a charity to receive such a large payment, and an individual cannot receive it without paying over half of it in capital gains tax.
However, I think I have a solution to our problem. The Church is a registered religious charity, who can legally receive donations of any size from people of the Church.

If you were to become part of the Church of the Psychedelic Manatee we would be able to legally accept the entire funds from you without the UK government touching any of it!

Please get back to me soon to confirm that you are willing to be initiated into our Church so we can give you our bank details and claim this money.


Rev. Timothy Leary

From: Rev. Timothy Leary
Subject: Re: WHAT IS WAITING DELAY?

Emmanuel,

We cannot give you bank details until you join the Church. It is illegal in the UK to receive funds unless they come from a member of our flock, so you MUST be a member of the Church before we are allowed to give you our details. Please let me know that you wish to be a member and I will arrange to send you the forms by email.

I hope we can soon welcome you to our Church and receive the funds.


Rev. Timothy Leary

From: Rev. Timothy Leary
Subject: Re: FEES

Mr Dear Emmanuel,

Please be patient! In the UK, Monday is the start of our business week, and I am very busy with Church affairs until about 5pm when I knock off with a charming little choir boy from pew 6. I cannot check the Church emails before 6pm here on a weekday, but I have now read your email and happy that you are eager to do business with us.

I have now had the chance to speak to the committee about your application, and they have agreed in full that you seem a most honest and trustworthy person and that you would be an asset to our Church, not to mention the money that has been arranged for us by our most glorious founder, Colonel Sanders.

As I mentioned in my last email, we are only allow to give money out or accept money from members of our Church. Please find an application form attached to this email.

I especially must draw your attention to clause C. I'm afraid that Colonel Sanders was a very wary fellow who found it difficult to trust people, so ALL our new members MUST include a photograph of themselves with their application form. The photograph must be of you, holding up a sign that says "All glory to the Church of the Psychedelic Manatee" on it. We CANNOT accept membership without this photograph, so please hurry so we can give you our bank details and transfer the money soon.

Please print out the attached form and fill in the section at the bottom. I'm afraid our FAX machine here has been broken ever since Squirrel Nutkin chewed some of the wires, but you can make matters faster by scanning your signed form and sending it back by email, together with your photograph.

Once we get your application form and identifying photograph we can enroll you immediately. Then we will be very happy to supply you with all our banking details so these funds can be transferred.



Kind Regards,


Rev. Timothy Leary

I attach this form to the email for Emmanuel to fill in (note the Registered Charity and VAT numbers at the bottom of the form. The Latin motto on the form means 'to cheat the cheater').

From: Emmanuel Rapheal
Subject: Re: Your Application

Dear Rev. Timothy Leary,
I send you my pic before but it got mixed up on internet with another email after I send to you. I send to you again my pic for joining church and to get transfer fees tht you promise to make.

Pleae transfer fee soon as fund must be made today from our office to get to you. Send the money vas western union with the name of our messenger and address below.
JOSEPH NKACHIKWULU
COTONOU
BENIN

This is my pic.

He's missed out the definite article, misspelled 'psychedelic' and has pluralized the manatee, but all in all he's made a valiant effort. 7/10 Emmanuel!

From: Rev. Timothy Leary
Subject: Your Scam

Dear 'Emmanuel',

Thanks you very much for your picture, it is just what I wanted from you. However, I'm afraid I have some bad news.

I am not the Reverend Timothy Leary, in fact there is no such Reverend, and I am not the kindly vicar who has any funds for you..
Nor is there such a thing as the Church of the Psychedelic Manatee (we can't believe you were stupid enough to fall for that one).
Take another look at the application form you signed. Look at the bottom. Notice anything? Well, let me point it out for you. Our charity number is 14M4F001, or 1 4M 4 F001, or I AM A FOOL. Our VAT number says - quite clearly - that WE DO NOT EXIST. Oh, and our Latin motto, Circumduco Circumscriptor, means to 'cheat the cheater'.

But enough about me; let's talk about you. You are not the secretary to Barrister Williams Agudo, in fact there is no such person.
You are no more a secretary than I am a church reverend. You are a 419 scammer. You are a thief and a liar. The first photo you sent was not of you. You had gone onto the internet and found a picture of the prominent businessman, Ernest Ndukwe. In fact, here is the exact link you stole it from: http://www.sunnewsonline.com/images/Ernest%20Ndukwe.jpg.
All of the emails you sent me were done from the same computer, which connects via an ADSL connection via the ISP, Office Des Poste Et Telecommunications (OPT). You are based in Benin, in the city of Porto-Novo near the Benin/Nigerian border (it's on the RNIE1 and RN11 road intersections, you can't miss it).

You have been the victim of a scam-baiter. We exist to waste your time and resources; you exist to entertain us

'Rev. Timothy Leary'